Thoughts
by RevansRubber Duck Darth Nimble
Summary: Title says it all. Alice's coughcoughmycoughcough thoughts on everything so far, and so far being up to chapter 44... Slight Oz x Alice depending on how you look at it.


**Dx I know, I know, I'm completely ignoring that promised sequel for "It Was Cold, Okay?" while writing this, but in my defence, I had written this up on paper some time ago and just never got around to typing it. **

**I promise the next one up will be the sequel. I swear it.**

**Disclaimer: Know what? I give up on trying to find a way to own Pandora Hearts and all it's lovable characters. I'd actually probably add a character that tried to gender confuse everyone.**

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Alice never thought she'd ever end up killing the being most precious to her. She'd never thought she'd be killing anyone. When she died, she didn't think she'd become a chain. In Abyss, she didn't think of killing other chains. She only thought of how she wanted out. Of how she just wanted someone. She hadn't cared if they would once a month or once a day. She just didn't want to be alone.

Now, all her wishes had been granted. She had people to be with. She was out of Abyss. She saw them everyday and felt emotions she hadn't dreamed possible before. The price for all of it? Her ignorance and sheer desire forced her to make the contract. Now, it was killing the very being she found most precious to her. She didn't mind if she got dragged back into Abyss so long as she got an answer as to why she was born. What she did mind was the fact she would end up dragging her manservant along. No matter how many times she'd tell him not to leave her, she'd be willing to let him go in a heartbeat if it meant him staying in his world.

She wondered if the two of them combined would be able to break the taboo. After all, he had the power to control Abyss in a way, and she was twin the very will of that place. Even if they did not get along most of the time, it had to count for something. Twins by birth, yet complete opposites. Dark to light. Twins in essence, but opposites by definition. One another, yet nothing alike. Almost as though they were two parts to one person.

Her gaze slowly drifted to the blond haired boy. Her contractee. Her kill. Would he become a chain? Or was he capable of resisting Abyss's power as a part of his 'right'? If he was, then cold he stay in his world while she was dragged back down? His servant would look after him well enough. Perhaps he'd be able to hold her in this world, too. She looked back outside the window, finding the setting sun to be somewhat calming.

When was her last time to ever see all of this be? How much longer until all she saw was black once more? Until she was alone? Or maybe she'd find some company. Maybe Oz would be able to save her again.

Chain and human got dragged down to the darkest and deepest part of Abyss. Her sister. That's where she resided. According to both the clown and Oz's tales, her twin had dolls to keep her company. Dolls that shared a similar personality to her own. Is that why Alyss kept them then? To replace the emptiness that she would occupy?

Alice's thoughts trailed to the clown's story. HE claimed Alyss had taken his eye and then forgotten who he was. Perhaps, then, it wasn't her twin , but herself who took the eye? After all, she had to be somewhere while Alyss occupied her body, and the only sensible place would be Alyss's body. It would make sense. According to Jacks' memoirs, she was the sadistic and darker one while Alyss was the innocent and cheerful one. Just how different was she from back then? Just what made her like that and not change Alyss at all?

The girl sighed. One day, her and that twin would have to have a long and thourough talk. She looked over at her manservant again. He was still engrossed with his book. Alice didn't understand what was so great about it. It didn't teach him anything, unlike Sharons' books. While they weren't a topic Alice would willingly pick up, they taught her how to handle her manservant. It would do him well to read them, so he knew how to act.

He scared her often with how he abused her power. Half of the time she'd just barely make it in time to stop him. He got the urge to kill people as though that were the answer to all f his problems. Only she was capable of stopping him with one word and one touch. Then he'd go and do it again. What would happen if she wasn't there anymore?

Jack knew about this. He knew Oz would have the power of B-Rabbit. He knew all of this would happen. So then, did he kill her, knowing she would be able to stop Oz when needed? Maybe he killed her to stop Glen from summoning her twin? But Jack had genuinely cared for her, hadn't he? Or had that been all to humor her? If that were true, half of her wondered if she would abuse Oz to get to Jack. She hadn't _wanted_ to di. She hadn't _wanted_ to be a chain. And she sure as hell hadn't _wanted_ to be in Abyss Granted, that was more Vincents' fault than anyone else's. If someone hadn't killed her before, being dragged into Abyss certainly would have.

That madman sometimes challenged the Mad Hatter himself on terms of insanity. Who the heck cut stuffed animals at that age, anyway? She also couldn't help but notice that he specifiably liked to cut the _rabbit_ shaped ones. Well, perhaps she had been crueler to him than most, but her sister hadn't him before her like she did with Jack. She didn't have to keep up the facade of the innocent little girl. Apparently taunting other people had been a second nature to her.

Turning that around, perhaps because she hadn't communicated with other children, and because she had been born in this world, she had simply used the boy to amuse herself. She had just taken the world for granted. Alyss hadn't because she had been born in Abyss and the outside world was something completely new and fascinating. It was bright and colorful, complete opposite of her dwelling. That had probably been why she was always so cheerful and optomositc. Life was interesting outside Abyss, and she had wanted to make the best of it with the little time she had. Maybe their roles should have been reversed.

Abyss was no place for children, after all. And Alyss was far to childlike to rule a dimension of bloodshed and darkness.

_Not that I'm anymore fit for the job_, Alice though bitterly. While she may have been far more darker than her white haired counter-part, there was no way she'd be able to rule Abyss. Abyss needed a ruthless leader. It needed someone like Glen.

Glen.

Her potential father. Her captor. Perhaps even the reason for his personality disorder. Half of her laughed at the irony of it. Like father, like daughter, it seemed. If the case were true, anyways. If she were to follow Jack's words, then Alyss must have gotten her personality from Lacie. It would make sense. The trips to the gravestone. The fond look Jack would give her when he saw her smiling and laughing despite the obvious sadness that could be felt. Plus, if Lacie was sacrificed to Abyss, then perhaps she had had Alyss in Abyss while herself was born in this world, just before the sacrifice took place. It also explained how Jack knew so much.

"Alice?" the girl jumped back into her chair as Oz's face came into view, not too far from her own. How long had he been there? Better yet . . . when did he move? She mumbled a 'what?' after realizing she hadn't answered, though she still refused to look at him in the eyes.

"Are you alright? You've been staring at me for the past five minutes that I've been watching you." he looked concerned, like he knew her well enough to know she was troubled. Did he? They had been in the master-servant relationship for a few months now . . . and he was pretty observant . . .maybe he could. She could tell when he was out of it, and she didn't pay all that much attention to details, either. Well, she did, just not to the same extent as her manservant in some cases. Reality hit back when the latter grabbed her shoulders and shook her gently.

" . . . lice! Alice!?" she growled, more angry at herself than him, and slapped his hands away.

"I'm fine. Don't worry." Her gaze travelled back outside, the sun nearly completely gone now. Much like herself. She barely had anything that made her _Alice_. Oz had said it was her thoughts, her actions, and her feelings that made up _Alice_ but weren`t they the same as B-Rabbit`s? B-Rabbit was not Alice. B-Rabbit is a chain, _Alice_ was a human. _Alice_ is gone. _Alice_ is just a bunch of scattered memory pieces to be found. _Alice_ is whatever is within B-Rabbit`s memory. _Alice_ is what she was searching for, because _Alice_ was who she _was_ and who she _will_ be. Alice is who she was meant to be. Right? She was supposed to be . . .right? She wasn't just an accident, right?

Oz's eyes opened wide in shock as a few stray tears rolled down his 'master's' face. "Alice!?" he hesitantly grabbed one of her shoulders while he knelt down, his face growing more worried as he saw her grim expression. He had been hurt when she pushed him away, trying to hide everything from him, but he understood she didn't want to sahre. It was probably something personal, after all. But this did it. He could live with leaving if she were just in thought, but abandoning her with tears is something he would beat himself for. When she tried to turn her face away, he pushed himself up an placed his fingers under her chin, forcing her to look at him.

"Alice?" he asked quietly. She shut her ey es tightly and bit her lip in response. What did he do? What would make Alice feel like this? "What's wrong?" She pulled her knees to her chest and hugged them tightly. Oz dropped both of his hands, her face falling to her knees almost immediately.

Oz felt helpless. How was he to help her when she refused it? How was he supposed to be a _good_ manservant when she pushed him away? How . . . how did he do this to both Alice and Gilbert so many times before?

The chain didn't understand it. This feeling she had . . . what was it? This feeling that burn her chest and made it feel empty at the same time while springing tears to her eyes . . . what was it? This feeling that made her shove away the only being she trusted with her life . . .with her insecurities. . .she hated it. Why was she shoving him away? He was special to her. He understood her. She hugged herself tighter. Why was she crying infront of him? Why was she shoving another problem onto him? Why . . .why was she being selfish? Why was she being . . ._Alice?_

A few seconds later there was an added weight onto the chair, followed by something snake like wrapping itself around her. Before it could tighten it's hold, she shot her head up, worried that perhaps it had gotten Oz already, and was prepared to break free of it's grasp. The hold tightened pulling her closer, and she realized it _was_ Oz. She froze, barely believing the boy was holding her against his chest in an attempt to soothe her. Even after she had shoved him away . . . put another issue on him . . . he still looked after her. He must have realized she wasn't going to be talking, and settled for this. She slowly relaxed into him, returning the embrace. She gripped his shirt tightly, burying her face into his chest, trying her best to stop the tears for him.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled into his shirt, not caring if that's not how she would normally act, "I didn't mean . . . I'm just scared." she said the last part quietly. Oz almost didn't catch it. He understood though. Despite what was said at Barma's she was still scared of the outcome. She was still just a child, like him, at heart. She was still scared of learning everything she believed, everything she had and has, was a lie. He smiled and pulled her closer. He gave a reassuring gentle squeeze.

He placed his chin on her head, "Don't be. Whatever happens, _I'll_ be there. I promise. Even you end up being the reason for my sin, I'll still be there. We'll get through it together."

Alice opened her eyes in surprise. What did he just say? Despite everything . . . he'd risk everything for her? She didn't understand why a _human_ would give their life for a _chain_ but neither did she dislike it. She _was_ Alice and B-Rabbit was simply her power. Alice _liked_ being cared about, and Alice _liked_ Oz. She _liked_ caring for someone else. She was going to do exactly as he said.

Whatever fears, whatever insecurities came with this position, she would either leave them on the roadside or bring them with her for the two of them to defeat.

It didn't matter because she had one thing no fear could take.

She had Oz.

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**No. Not even death can take Oz. **

**I also learned "observant" has the word "servant" in it xD **

**I have taken that to mean that servants are the ones who see everything. **

**I really didn't want to end it like that, but my poor mind couldn't come up with any spontaneous to end it with. I hope it wasn't too bad.**

**Review, please! ^_^**


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